J. C. Mogensen

Reality with a Healthy Dose of Humor


Women Scorn

Posted on March 7, 2012 at 8:35 PM

Despite being raised partially by a woman (I have a dad too, you know), growing up with a sister, having two daughters, and one ex-wife, I don't have any better understanding of the fairer sex than the next person with outie genitals. In fact, everything I know about women could be summed up by the response a (mildly insane) Vietnam Vet gave to a coworker of ours when he heard the man talking about how much he wanted to talk his wife into some threesome action: "It's almost impossible to keep one woman happy, why in the hell do you wanna piss off two of 'em?"


 She seems upset, but who knows for sure - women are so hard to read


It's with frame of reference in mind that I want to talk about the dumbfuckery that has been the Republican Party of late. In what I can only assume is an effort to prove that they can win the White House without the support of half the population, they have done everything they can to try and talk the ladies of this country into a threesome. Metaphorically, of course. Their fumbling of some recent women's rights issues is so bad, it makes fish tacos at Perkins seem like a good idea. It could also be a case of Obama being the evil genius that the GOP thinks he is, but after the clown car that has been the Republican Primary, that seems unlikely.

So Rick Santorum hates birth control. OK, I get that his faith makes him believe that every time you pull out, baby Jesus cries. The problem with getting pissy about how the government shouldn't use our tax dollars to fund fetus-free sexy-time fun is that the government wasn't going to. Insurance coverage is not a gift that a company gives its employees because they are so damn big-hearted, it's part of a benefits package provided in lieu of more money. The other problem with this line of reasoning is that even when we're talking about government provided health care, it already covers boner pills.  If women have to put up with four hour erections, they should at least have the option of not getting knocked up if they don't want to. Not to mention the fact that the pill has a lot more medical benefits beyond shagging than the previously mentioned bottled erector set.


 We're entitled to hard-ons


After convening a sausage fest to talk about whether women were smart enough to handle their own reproductive systems, the GOP was understandably miffed when the Democrats had the nerve to ask an actual female about it. Rush Limbaugh responded by calling her a "slut" and a "prostitute" because any unmarried female who takes contraceptives is clearly unable to keep her legs together. The idea that contraceptive use could be part of responsible adult behavior is unthinkable, forget about considering the actual fiscal benefits of it. I'd like to think that I would have been upset by it no matter what, but having two daughters and being married to an especially strong-willed woman made me wonder if El-Rushbo had had his mouth surgically replaced with his anus. Even worse than the prescription strength bullshit that Rushie was spewing was the tepid reaction from the GOP candidates who said it was the fault of the liberal media (Newt Gingrich), just being absurd (Rick Santorum), and not the language he should have used (Mitt Romney). Only John McCain came out strongly opposed to Rush's assbaggery.

The real issue comes from the fact that the GOP, steered by the religious right, bases most of its policy and almost all of its rhetoric on patriarchal religious beliefs. Most religions, with a few notable pagan exceptions, hold that women just aren't as awesome as men and need to be told what they can and can't do with their bodies. From Muslim extremists to the modern Quiverfull movement, this kind of thinking does nothing but hold back the progress of women because the men just know better. I want my daughters to grow up wanting to be Buffy, not Bella Swan.


 Being kick-ass Vs Being a Doormat


Mr. Obama, I think this election just became yours to lose.



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