J. C. Mogensen

Reality with a Healthy Dose of Humor


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We're All Awesome

Posted on November 18, 2012 at 3:10 PM Comments comments (4)

It's easy to get all doom-and-gloomy about the human race, which is why it's nice to be reminded from time to time that we aren't actually devolving back into single-celled protozoa, especially when you hear about some Florida tanning salon owner offing himself because he didn'...

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The Unchanging Evolution of Marriage

Posted on October 12, 2012 at 7:40 PM Comments comments (0)

Can we stop pretending that the institution of marriage is some Rock of Gibralter-esque thing that has never changed since God originally invented it with his "My First Chemistry Set" 6,000 years ago (4,539,994,000 years after the Earth actually showed up)?


 "Hey Jesus, I spilled a test tube. Looks like these monke...

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The Greatest Generation

Posted on September 19, 2012 at 6:00 PM Comments comments (1)

In 1996 I turned 20 years old. Being 20 is awesome because you're too young to realize that you're a complete idiot, which means that you find yourself doing really dumb shit like trying to set a new land speed record on a 1973 Honda CB350. Luckily, hitting my twenties in the mid 90's meant that I had what is arguably the greatest soundtrack in the history of ever by which to score my mortality-taunting stunts. I got to thinking about the good old days rec...

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In Defense of Lazy Slobs

Posted on September 4, 2012 at 1:40 AM Comments comments (0)

(Author's note: I try to keep things inappropriately snarky and acerbic on this site, but I decided to dial it back a notch for this post. This does absolutely not represent a more mature me, however.)

There's a picture that's been making the rounds on the various social sites lately. I've ignored it, but it just keeps a comin'. I know it doesn't pay to get bunched panties about every single ignorant post that people make beca...

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Sexy Is As Sexy Does

Posted on August 6, 2012 at 9:35 PM Comments comments (1)

What's sexy? Who's to say, definitively, but everyone with a pulse has a list of things that cranks their respective gears. I know what I like, what I don't like, and what makes me wrinkle up my nose and mutter something about terrible decision making skills. The weird thing is that what I like now is not what I liked way back when, generally. Torn stockings and combat boots just don't work on me the way they used to. I remember back when the only thing mo...

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Toilet Trouble

Posted on July 20, 2012 at 7:55 PM Comments comments (1)

First of all, let's all agree that public bathrooms are gross. This is more of a reflection on us, as a society, than the people charged with cleaning up after our biohazards. (Unless we're talking about Wal-Mart bathrooms, which I have to believe are constructed using bricks made from kiln-fired feces. How else do you get so much nasty concentrated in such a small area?) When otherwise decent humans go into a public restroom they lose all morality and eth...

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Stale Marshmallows

Posted on July 10, 2012 at 11:35 AM Comments comments (0)

I remember, as a fourth grader, looking forward to Library Day every week. The librarian would read McGruff the Crime Dog stories using a puppet and quiz us about it afterward. Every right answer earned you a marshmallow. I always paid very close attention because I freakin' loved those marshmallows. He kept them in a flat round tin (the kind that comes filled with awful sugar cookies or even awfuler peanut brittle and are given out during the Holidays) bu...

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Religion Is Weird

Posted on July 5, 2012 at 1:20 AM Comments comments (0)

OK, so I wasn't going to touch the subject of religion again because A) I just did it a few blogs ago, and B) I really am not that hostile to other people's beliefs. I do find faith to be a many-splendored thing (by "many-splendored" I mean fascinating, but ultimately pointless) and am happy to let ...

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The Wingman

Posted on June 12, 2012 at 1:45 AM Comments comments (0)

…and the moral of that story is that guys are fucking stupid. They just are.

Wait, let me start at the beginning…

During my time as a bachelor I lived with a few different roommates, one in particular lived with me for about three years. We were pretty tight, in fact he liked to get drunk and tell me that I was his brother and that he loved me (he was also a crier, so drinking with hi...

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Soul What Now?

Posted on May 9, 2012 at 11:55 PM Comments comments (0)

I don't believe in the idea of a soul mate. The entire notion that there is only one person in the whole wide world who is right for you is nonsense. If it were true, finding that special someone would be like winning the goddamn lottery. It would also imply that there was someone up ↑ there offering the slightest chance of real happiness (at best) or just fucking with us (at worst). There are no fairy tale endings - true love's first kiss is ...

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