J. C. Mogensen

Reality with a Healthy Dose of Humor

Ramblings


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The Athlete

Posted on February 23, 2015 at 2:55 PM Comments comments (0)

I've been super busy (and a little worried that I didn't have anything to say anymore), so I haven't written much in quite a while. I still have plenty to say, but it's mostly bad jokes or complaints about the dumb-dumbs in the world. In an effort to jump back into the wordifying, I'm gonna share another in a long list of stories about me being occasionally idiotic. Here goes:

 

There was a time when I trained for a m...

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Do Great Things

Posted on January 16, 2014 at 11:35 PM Comments comments (0)

I have a lot of reasons to be proud, but if someone asked me to make a list off the top of my head of the first things I'd brag about if given the chance, the things that come immediately to mind might surprise you. Sure, I have great kids and friends I can count on, but who doesn't? No, the things that I'd like people to...

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The New Waitresses

Posted on January 3, 2014 at 4:55 PM Comments comments (0)

There's a rule of thumb out there that says you can tell a lot about a person based on how they treat wait staff. This theory is so prevalent, in fact, that just about everyone has heard it used as a measure of determining the potential shag-factor of a date. While this theory definitely has merits, a better way of judging a person's humanity is probably how they treat customer service staff that they never see. After all, only a total sociopath is horribl...

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My English Is Long And Strong

Posted on September 19, 2013 at 1:20 AM Comments comments (0)

I'm a pretty smart guy. Maybe not "Doogie Howser" smart, but who is? I'm a writer – it's how I pay my bills. I'm no Stephen King, but even Stephen King isn't Stephen King all the time. (Pennywise is a giant spider!?! Really?) Being smart enough to avoid poking myself in the brain with a Q-Tip after a shower and the fact that I use words as key part of my livelihood should mean that I'm always able to communicate clearly and effectively. But, NOOO

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When In Doubt, Ask A Britney

Posted on April 17, 2013 at 6:45 PM Comments comments (0)

I swung into a gas station recently to pick up the kind of treat that you have to be old enough to vote in order to purchase. It's a relatively simple task, one that's by no means unique or that requires the cashier to even make eye-contact with you.

The nice lady said, "I need to see your I.D., Hun." Dutifully, I handed it over.

I've seen people get all kinds of pissy about being carded, but it's never been the ki...

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How You Doin'?

Posted on April 6, 2013 at 2:40 PM Comments comments (0)

I'm combining three smaller bits into one extra awesome blog this time around. Please to enjoy:


You'll Do


There's a scene in one of the recent episodes of 'Justified' where a hit man, posing as a cop, has the misfortune of running across Marshall Raylan Givens. He orders Raylan to get out of his way or face the business end of his pistola. When he draws on our good Marshall, Raylan puts him down ...

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The Spaghetti Method

Posted on January 18, 2013 at 10:10 PM Comments comments (0)

As a kid, I thought that when you teased someone you were "making front of them" instead of "making fun of them." It made sense since you were teasing them to their face instead of laughing at them behind their back.


I also thought that "for all intents and purposes" was actually "for all intensive purposes." This, too, made perfect sense, but only of your purposes were really demanding.


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Boomstick

Posted on January 14, 2013 at 8:25 PM Comments comments (0)

Let's play a game.


They come in different shapes and sizes, but that doesn't have anything to do with whether they can get the job done. If you have one, it's hard to keep your hands off of it. Failing to use it safely can really ruin someone's day. In this country, we can safely assume that at least half of the population has one.


If you guessed penises (peni?), you have a fi...

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Adventures In Retail

Posted on November 23, 2012 at 9:40 PM Comments comments (2)

It's that time of year again, when neighborhoods twinkle with festive lights, families get together, and heathens wage a non-existent war on a holiday that Christians barely understand. While other people are practicing their close combat techniques so that they can more efficiently body-check the old broad reaching for the last flat screen at the Black Friday sales, I'm reminded of the six months I spent barely getting by while working for the world's big...

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